What is a Boston Band?

The amount of hipster douchiness relative to others in one’s peer group is expressed in one of the following two units of measurement.

  1. Allston Douche Units (ADU)
  2. Brooklyn Douche Units (BDU)

As discussed below, these two units are differentiated from one another in qualitative, rather than quantitative, terms.

Allston Douche Units
An Allston Douche Unit (ADU) is a measurement of a type of hipster douchiness unique to the Allston-Brighton neighborhood of Boston. This unit is defined by a weighted algorithm that considers the following variables: anti-intellectualism, poverty, unhealthiness of diet, strong libido, tastes in fashion and music that are just left of center, long-term (bad) relationships, affinity for broadcast media, tough-guy pretenses, general adherence to a collegiate lifestyle.

Brooklyn Douche Units
A Brooklyn Douche Unit (BDU) measures hipster douchiness commonly found in Brooklyn. The following qualities are measured with this classification: conspicuously conscientious consumption of a bourgeois nature, ironism (especially with regards to humor and attire), strongly held political views, personal and familial wealth, vegetarianism or veganism, homosexuality, foppishness, obscurantism in one’s taste in music or film, serial monagamy, literacy.

Listening to Voda will significantly lower one’s BDU, but will not have any significant bearing on ADU values one way or the other.

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